I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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