Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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