Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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