Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
