I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
