Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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