you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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