put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
