she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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