So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
