Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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