After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
