Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
