chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
