i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
