why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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