dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
