Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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