you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
