He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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