we have pet lesbian snakes
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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