sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
