What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
