I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
