I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
