How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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