I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
