i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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