True but thats because hes a fetus.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
