the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize