I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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