Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
