When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
