I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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