too bad you live with your parents still
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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