Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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