I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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