He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
