My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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