Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you inspire me to be a worse person
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
