Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
