whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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