i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
