What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
