It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
