Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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