whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
