u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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