If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
