But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize