areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
