were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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