exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
