I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
