wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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