Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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