It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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