I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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