a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
