I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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