So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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