I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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