i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How's work?
Spinning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
