i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
