Umm I'm too high to move.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
