a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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