I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
