yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
