I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
