I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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