think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
