At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
