can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
