Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have feelings that need drinking.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
