woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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