My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
