Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
