very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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