i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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