I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
