I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize