take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
