We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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