I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
