I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize