i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
