Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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