Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
