You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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